A Love/Love Relationship
I’ve always had a love/love relationship with food. I love food, and once I eat it, food loves me and wants to hang around – especially in the hip and thigh area! During the past two years, I have been dealing with more stress than usual. This has caused me to embrace my old friend, food. Because of this, I have regained 40 lbs. When the scale confirmed my weight gain (and I regained my composure), I began to replay old tapes in my head: I felt like a failure.
I’ve always had a love/love relationship with food. I love food, and once I eat it, food loves me and wants to hang around – especially in the hip and thigh area! During the past two years, I have been dealing with more stress than usual. This has caused me to embrace my old friend, food. Because of this, I have regained 40 lbs. When the scale confirmed my weight gain (and I regained my composure), I began to replay old tapes in my head: I felt like a failure.
You see I’m the Bariatric Program Manager who lost 140 lbs
in 1998. I’ve always tried to serve as
an inspiration to our patients, showing them you can live a healthy life after
weight-loss surgery. In regaining the weight, I tapped into my old
insecurities; I had failed myself and my patients.
I’ve always used food as a way to regulate my emotions. I
ate when I was happy, sad, bored, restless, stressed, etc. In the past, I felt I had to compensate for
my weight in order to feel worthy and experience acceptance from others. I became a “people pleaser.” Even after I had weight-loss surgery, I still
dealt with secret feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. To the world I was
self-confident, but in the deepest part of my soul I had doubts, even though I
was unaware of them most of the time.
The Ah Ha! Moment
As a Christian, I prayed to the Lord to make me strong and self-confident. I had my “Ah ha!” moment driving down Brent Lane, if you can believe that. God put it in my heart and mind that I was always worthy, just the way I am. The Lord accepts us all, and is not judgmental. I did not have to do anything to earn this, such as being thin enough, being smart enough, etc. It’s just the way it is. Believe me, that was a breakthrough for me! At that moment, I chose to take back my personal power and place myself in God’s hands, and in your hands.
As a Christian, I prayed to the Lord to make me strong and self-confident. I had my “Ah ha!” moment driving down Brent Lane, if you can believe that. God put it in my heart and mind that I was always worthy, just the way I am. The Lord accepts us all, and is not judgmental. I did not have to do anything to earn this, such as being thin enough, being smart enough, etc. It’s just the way it is. Believe me, that was a breakthrough for me! At that moment, I chose to take back my personal power and place myself in God’s hands, and in your hands.
So my friends, even with God on my side, I’m asking for your
help, support and encouragement. I choose to lose weight because I want to
remain healthy. This is not a fear-driven impulse. I’m not afraid I won’t be
loved and accepted unless I lose 40 lbs.
My desire to change comes from a place of love; love for myself and as a
way to honor God for giving me a healthy body.
I too am a gastric by-pass patient and my surgery was 9-10-2012. I have lost 83lbs and am at a plateau and am getting depressed cause I can't get passed it.I have 45-50 more to go and would love for you and I to be an inspiration for each other. Due to Dr. Lord's thorough testing they also found a spot on my right lung about the size of a dime that turned out to be cancer. In Feb. of 2013 they told me not to lose any weight during treatment because radiation was based on your size and they could not change the doses over and over again. So although I had a tiny pouch they had me eat whole milk and tablespoons of ice cream and such to maintain weight for 3 months. All the foods that we promise we won't have again. In May I went back to my dieting but have only lost 23 more lbs. and now as I said have stopped. I too feel worthless, all the hooplah over the surgery and cancer are gone from friends and family and I feel nobody cares. As you can see we would make a good team. So lets go!!! Friend me on facebook and we will help each other through these last 40. I want to be in fashion show in August. That is my goal!!! We can do it, we DO matter!!!
ReplyDeleteFrances---please don't be hard on yourself. The cancer was out of your control and nutritionally you could not be compromised while undergoing treatments. However, I will admit it's hard "to close the barn door" once you are eating sweets again. I salute you for continuing to lose 23 more pounds. God created a perfect being and he is not critical of you...so stop being critical of yourself. It took me a long time to get that point. After a while, all the praise stops. People get used to you being smaller. Your worth is not measured by the approval of others. You are worthy just the way you are! So, thanks for the support. Let's do this together!
DeleteI say "way to go" to both of you. I'm 2 1/2 years out. Gained back 5 pounds. Doesn't sound like much but I'm scared the pounds will continue to come back. So I'm going on the journey with you. To get off the extra and to not put it back on. I love the idea of this. Friends who haven't been here don't understand. Just because I look thin doesn't mean I feel thin. I feel every one of the pounds I put back on. I still get comments like, "you look like a skeleton", "I think you must be throwing up after eating to stay so skinny" (not true) "I liked the way you looked at 200 plus pounds better", I usually answer to them that they must not love me very much if they want me to go back to my top weight and then end up dying an early death. That usually stops them cold. As for the throwing up, if I eat the wrong thing or too fast, dumping sets in. I can't throw up due to the surgery, but I get very sick and just need time to be quite, not think of food (which makes me feel worse) and if necessary sleep until I feel better. Thank God I don't have any of the other dumping stuff to go along with it. My grandkids are coming to town this weekend. So I'm waiting until Monday to start back to Healthy eating. Not that I plan on pigging out.... just not going to worry about fixing special and healthy foods until I just have me to worry about. Then I can purge the house of everything that are trigger foods. Not making excuses so I can wait, just being a realist. With a lot of prayer we can all meet our goals, big or small.
ReplyDeleteFreida---I get it, even if your family/friends do not. It starts with 5 pounds and then before you know it 5 more have been added. I've done that many times in the last 15 years....but always lost it again. This is the farthest I've ever been out of control with my eating/exercising habits. Making a plan and sticking to it long term is the key. Everyone has little hiccups along the way. People said those same sort of things to me in the early days. I reassured them that my doctor was not worried and they should not be either. Despite the weight gain, I'm still 100 lbs down 15 years later. You are being vigilant and that's great. Thanks for the support!
DeleteThank you so much for starting this Jan, my weight gain has really got me down, I have gained 50 lbs in the last 8 yrs since I had surgery, it have been very depressing for me. I have fallen back into old habits and need to get back on track. Jan, I think the Lord answered my prayer when I seen you in the cafeteria this week. I can back and sent you that email and was so greatful that you emailed me back, sometimes you dont know who to talk to, I feel like everybody judges me for failing at this. I enjoyed reading the comments and know that we are all in this boat together! Please pray for me and I will pray for all of you!
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