A Shared Weight-Loss Journey

This is a message to my bariatric “family.” I plan on writing a bi-monthly blog because I need your support.  That’s what families do – they support each other in times of need.

A Love/Love Relationship
I’ve always had a love/love relationship with food.  I love food, and once I eat it, food loves me and wants to hang around – especially in the hip and thigh area! During the past two years, I have been dealing with more stress than usual. This has caused me to embrace my old friend, food. Because of this, I have regained 40 lbs. When the scale confirmed my weight gain (and I regained my composure), I began to replay old tapes in my head: I felt like a failure.

You see I’m the Bariatric Program Manager who lost 140 lbs in 1998.  I’ve always tried to serve as an inspiration to our patients, showing them you can live a healthy life after weight-loss surgery. In regaining the weight, I tapped into my old insecurities; I had failed myself and my patients.

I’ve always used food as a way to regulate my emotions. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, restless, stressed, etc.  In the past, I felt I had to compensate for my weight in order to feel worthy and experience acceptance from others.  I became a “people pleaser.”  Even after I had weight-loss surgery, I still dealt with secret feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. To the world I was self-confident, but in the deepest part of my soul I had doubts, even though I was unaware of them most of the time. 

The Ah Ha! Moment
As a Christian, I prayed to the Lord to make me strong and self-confident.  I had my “Ah ha!” moment driving down Brent Lane, if you can believe that. God put it in my heart and mind that I was always worthy, just the way I am. The Lord accepts us all, and is not judgmental. I did not have to do anything to earn this, such as being thin enough, being smart enough, etc. It’s just the way it is. Believe me, that was a breakthrough for me! At that moment, I chose to take back my personal power and place myself in God’s hands, and in your hands.

So my friends, even with God on my side, I’m asking for your help, support and encouragement. I choose to lose weight because I want to remain healthy. This is not a fear-driven impulse. I’m not afraid I won’t be loved and accepted unless I lose 40 lbs.  My desire to change comes from a place of love; love for myself and as a way to honor God for giving me a healthy body.

In two weeks, I’ll post again with an update on my progress.  My journey is personal, but if it helps someone else who is struggling with weight regain, then the blessing will be greater. Let me end on a positive note. I’m a bariatric surgery patient who has kept off 100 lbs for more than 15 years.  As for the other 40 lbs, which has decided to rejoin me, with God’s help, hard work and your support, I’ll kick them to the curb – one pound at a time!